Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Avoid Fault-finding , criticism and suspicion

In trying to improve the world, be not one who searches out the shortcomings of others ..


Endeavor to be always patient of the faults
and imperfections of others
for thou has many faults and imperfections
of thine own that require forbearance.
If thou are not able to make thyself
that which thou wishest,
how canst thou expect to mold another in conformity to thy will?
- Thomas A. Kempis (1380-1471)

The only people who find
what they are looking for
in life are the fault finders.
- Foster's Law

“We believe that to err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics.”
"He who trusts has never yet lost in the world.  A suspicious man is lost to himself and the eworld.... Suspicion is of the brood of violence.  Non-violence cannot but trust"
“The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders.”
"Criticism is the disapproval of people,
not for having faults,
but having faults different from your own."
 Avoid Fault-finding
3/27/2009 - Religious - Article Ref: IC0507-2744
By: Sadullah Khan
IslamiCity* -

As people of Faith, we have the duty of commanding good and forbidding evil. We thus engage ourselves, as social beings, in improving ourselves and working towards being instruments in improving the world we live in. Our Faith behooves us not to search for faults in others and we would do well to heed the advice of our Beloved
Prophet : "Part of being a good person is minding your own business."
While the purpose of commanding good and forbidding evil is to correct and restore; fault-finding inevitably leads to undermining the character of people and sometimes to destroying relationships. Prophet Muhammad said: "The worst of people are those engaged in slandering others, those who ruin relationships between dear ones who try to find fault with innocent people."
The Prophet also admonished us that "when you pursue the faults of others, you corrupt them" and warned that "those who unduly pursue the shortcomings of others will have their own faults exposed."
Fault-finding is the habit of the miserable
Confucius said: "the great person calls to attention the good points in others while the miserable person calls to attention the defects in others." (Analects 12:16). That is perhaps why losers can easily say, "something is wrong" and winners usually say, "how can I correct it". Why losers say, "why don't you do this?" and winners usually say, "here is something I can do."
Fault-finders normally tell others about someone's faults and rarely have the guts to face people; fitting the description of dhul-wajhayn (two-faced) which the Prophet Muhammad assigned to troublemakers and hypocrites. Fault-finders also tend to be miserable themselves, lacking self-esteem; and since they focus so much on blaming others, they become resentful; and rather than cherish people, tend to develop a desire to undermine and discredit people.
The negative feelings that a fault-finder harbors regarding others eventually consumes the person and this negativity eventually becomes part of the fault-finder's character. Prophet Muhammad therefore advised us "Refrain from holding bad opinions of people."
Deflecting one's own shortcomings
One of the common ways through which people deflect their own shortcomings and do not face up to their own faults is to blame others. The faults we see may well not be in what we are looking at, but rather in our looking. Prophet 'Isa/Jesus is reported to have said; "why do you look at the little speck in your brother's eye and forget the plank in your own eye". Hadrat 'Ali said: "The worst of people is the person who searches for faults in others while being blind to his own faults". Martin Luther King rightly said: "The highest form of maturity is self inquiry".
Watch your Heart, your Emotions and your Tongue
Speech is projection of thoughts and emotions; the content of speech reflects the culture of the heart, so consider carefully how you feel about others, why you feel the way you feel and what you say about people. Prophet Muhammad said: "None of your faith is correct unless your heart is upright and your heart will not be rectified until your tongue is in order". That is why Allah states in the Quran "speak what is correct, your actions will be rectified and your sins will be forgiven". Since virtually all fault-finding is conveyed verbally, we must be careful of the power of the tongue since wise people caution the fact that "Affliction caused by the tongue is more severe than the harm caused by the sword. The Prophet also provided a basic rule of good character when he responded to a question regarding salvation. He replied: "It is necessary for you to control your tongue and weep for your own faults".
The prayer of the Prophet is the most appropriate expression for one who introspects and genuinely wishes to be a catalyst for a better world: "O Allah, forgive that which I did secretly and what I did publicly; What I did inadvertently and what I did deliberately; What I did knowingly and what I did out of ignorance".
Always reflect on this advice of the Prophet : "glad tidings to the person more concerned about his own faults than bothering about the faults of others"
Qur'an 49:12
O ye who believe! avoid suspicion as much (as possible):
for suspicion in some cases is a sin:
and spy not on each other nor speak ill of each other behind their backs.
Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother?
Nay ye would abhor it...but fear Allah:
for Allah is Oft-Returning Most Mercifuls

Whose Fault Is It?
A neighbor buys a new car and you point out a defect in the paint.  Your child brings home a report card with four 'A's and one 'B' and you immediately focus on the 'B'.  A co-worker introduces a new way to do a task, and you immediately tear it apart, saying something like 'we tried that before it didn't work then and it won't work now'.  When someone doesn't agree with you, are they automatically wrong?  If something goes wrong in your life, no matter if it is work related or relationship related, are you always looking for someone to blame?  If this describes your behavior, you may be what Zig Ziglar calls a 'fault finder'. What is a 'faultfinder'?  That's a person who must find fault with almost everyone or everything they encounter.

What could be causing you to be faultfinder?  There are probably many reasons, ranging from low self-esteem, denial of our own failures, to some type of personality disorder.  In some cases it may be necessary to seek professional counseling to resolve the issues. 

What I am talking about are the every day things that build up, causing stress and anxiety.   Sometimes we compare ourselves to others, and when we see them as being successful, it may cause us to feel resentful because of our own circumstances.  We see others being seemingly successful, yet we are struggling, feeling out of control and maybe even overwhelmed with job and relationship problems.

What we don't see is that everyone has problems with their job, families, friends, etc.  We only see the exterior of these successful people and feel threatened by their ability to succeed.  That's when we begin to think that if we point out what is wrong with their opinions, attitudes or accomplishments, that we will relieve our own insecurity and we will no longer feel threatened by their success. 

If you are feeling this way, you may need to do some character building, working on your inner self, improving your self-esteem.  Brian Tracy said 'It is impossible to like or love anyone else more than you like yourself.  It is impossible for others to like or love you any more than you like yourself'.
- Joe Freeman

Look at the brighter side of life

October 17, 2007 · Leave a Comment

by Henrylito D. Tacio 
When he was still alive, New Jersey Governor Charles Edison told a vignette about his famous father, a man of resilient, undefeatable spirit.   Here goes the story:  
On the night of December 9, 1914, the great Edison Industries of West Orange was virtually destroyed by fire.   Thomas Alva Edison lost two million dollars that night and much of his life’s work went up in flames.  He was insured for only US$238,000 because the buildings had been made of concrete, at that time thought to be fireproof.  
“My heart ached for him,” Charles said.   “He was 67 – not a young man anymore – and everything was going up in flames.  He spotted me.  ‘Charles,’ he shouted, ‘where’s your mother?’ ‘I don’t know, Dad,’ I replied. ‘Find her,’ he told me.   ‘Bring her here.  She will never see anything like this again as long as she lives.’” 
The next morning, walking about the charred embers of all his hopes and dreams, Thomas Edison said, ‘There is great value in disaster.   All our mistakes are burned up.  Thank God we can start anew.” And three weeks after the fire, his firm delivered the first phonograph!  
“Now that’s the story of a man who had learned how to face the adversities and disasters of this human existence.  He also knew that 67 years were in the past… that the loss of money was nothing really, because there was hat inner strength that would allow him to build again,” Charles concluded his story.
Thomas Alva Edison was a person with positive attitude.   He saw that life is a constant struggle.  It is a matter of choice.  You have to look at both sides, both the good and the bad.   And he always looked at the brighter side.  As Robert Brault advises, “Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” 
My ever dependable Webster dictionary defines attitude as “state of thought or feeling.”   Attitude is how we look at things from our own perspective.  At one time, I asked a group of young people how much water was in a glass.   A few said, “Half full,” but a lot of them said, “Half empty.” Foster’s law stated: “The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders.” 
At one time, Hubert Humphrey told a buddy: “Oh, my friend, it’s not what they take away from you that count.   It’s what you do with what you have left.” Attitude, according to Sir Winston Churchill, is a little thing that makes a big difference. 
Take happiness for instance.   “We can make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong,” said Francesca Reigler.  To think of, either attitude, the amount of work is still the same.   Annette Goodheart takes one step further: “Just because you’re miserable doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your life. No matter what happened to you yesterday, your attitude is your choice today.  
“The last of our human freedoms is to choose our attitude in any given circumstances,” said psychologist Victor Frankl.  Well, he was talking from experience.   He survived imprisonment in a Nazi death camp, and throughout his ordeal, he wouldn’t allow his attitude to deteriorate.  If he could maintain a good attitude, so can you. 
Clara Barton, the founder of American Red Cross, understood the importance of choosing the right attitude even in wrong situations.   She was never known to hold a grudge against anyone.  One time, a friend recalled to her a cruel thing that had happened to her some years back, but Clara seemed not to remember the incident. 
“Don’t you remember the wrong that was done to you?” the friend asked.   “No,” Clara replied.  “I distinctly remember forgetting that.” Most people have a hard time moving because they still live in the past.  
They don’t want to forgive and forget the wrongs being done to them.  “Let us rise up and be thankful,” urged Buddha, “for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.” — ###

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